Memories Of Old
by This Taped Heart
Summary: Mysterious events lead to the loss of Gemma's memories. All she has left is a trace of who she used to be, and a strange name cut into her arm. Kartik. But she no longer knows this person that she had cared deeply for. Can he help restore her memories? R


Disclaimer: I do not own A Great and Terrible Beauty 

**A/N: This is in present time, but it takes place after the second book, Rebel Angels. I **_**was**_** going to wait until I got a few chappies written…but I got excited and decided to post it anyways. **

**Chapter One**

"My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, or wear as jewelry-" Groggily, I push the talk button on my phone and the ring tone stops.

"Hello?"

"Gemma where are you? Ann and I have been waiting for a half an hour!"

Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes I glance at the clock. It's twelve thirty. I was supposed to meet Fee and Ann at Starbucks at twelve. Shit. "I over slept, but I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

Rummaging through my drawers, I slip on a faded pair of jeans and my black Rise Against T-shirt. I slide my feet into my worn pink chucks and quickly run a brush through the mess that is my hair, trying to comb out the bed head. Grabbing my keys off my desk, I rush out the door. My car starts, it's a beat up Camaro, and often times it has trouble starting.

Starbucks is not very busy at noon, and Fee and Ann are easy to spot. They both wear similar irritated expressions. I order a mocha Frappichino before joining them at our table.

"About time." Fee says, rolling her eyes. I bet that someday they will get stuck like that. I almost laugh when I picture it in my mind.

"So," Ann says, "How did your meeting with Kartik go? Is he on our side or not."

"He's with us." I tell her. And that, I am quite glad of. I wonder when I'll get to see him again. It is so hard not to call him, as he is one of the first on my contacts list, but I have to hold back, because contacting him could blow his cover. (Or so he thinks.)

"So remind me again what we're meeting for?" I honestly can not remember, probably because I'm still half asleep.

"Ugg. Gemma, don't you remember? You agreed to take us to the realms today."

Oh yes. Now I remember. But she must be crazy if she thinks we can do it right here. "Right here in Starbucks?"

"No! Does that Frappichino have caffeine in it? Because you really need to wake up." Wow, sense when did Ann have such an attitude. She must be spending to much time with Felicity...

We sit there sipping our coffee, joking about guys, and laughing much too loudly once the caffeine kicks in until the workers start giving us annoyed looks. We head down the road and Fee directs us into a small bookstore. We go to the far back of the store, though it's completely deserted anyway.

We hold hands as I picture the door of light in my mind. I open the door and walk through into the realms for the first time since I'd bound the magic to myself. The sight of the realms, restored to their natural order is breathtaking. My eyes sweep over the flowers, the stream, the green grass, and the bright blue sky. Fee and Ann are as overjoyed as I am, and we rush over to the stream. I roll my pants up to my knees, and wade into the cool water. The bottom of the stream is covered in tiny flecks of shining gold that have caught the light and are glinting in the sunlight.

I hadn't realized how much I had missed the realms until now. I wish that Kartik were here to share this wonder with me.

I turn to say something to Ann, but realize that I am alone. I squint, looking further down the bank where Ann is walking. I can faintly here music coming from her direction and I know that she is singing. But where is Fee? I look around, and don't see her, but she is probably exploring or maybe even working on her archery.

Standing up, I head off at a random direction, and eventually I get the feeling that I am searching for something, but I don't know what. Ahead of me is a forest that stretches as far as I can see. The trees are so thick that the path I am walking on is almost completely covered by darkness.

Pushing through the forest, I finally realize what I am searching for: my mother. But she is gone. I've known this for a long time now, but I can't but feel disappointed. I had subconsciously expected her to be here, where I had spent hours with her after her death.

I turn around to head back to my friends, but I find that I am no longer on the path. Utter darkness surrounds me and fear creeps it way up my neck. I grab a sharp stick, clutching it tightly in my hand preparing to use it as self-defense if I need to. With out realizing that I'm doing it, I turn the stick into a small, but sharp knife. Though no knife would protect me from the monsters of the realms.

I walk on, in random direction. A small noise sends me running. My sweat and fear mixed together cause a clammy feeling all up my body and I'm on the brink of nausea.

Then there's nothing.

I whirl around to find that there are no more trees. A vast darkness surrounds me, seeming never ending. How did I get here? For some reason I cannot remember. I slump to the ground to find that I can't feel the ground underneath me, there's nothing there, though _something_ must be keeping me up. There's nothing. Nothing but me and the knife that I still have a death grip on.

I wrap my arms around my legs, pulling them to my chest. I rock slowly back and forth, something that calms me down when I'm under stress.

Why am I here? How did I get here? I can't remember anything, I can't even recall my own name – assuming that I have one. I rock myself harder, trying in vain to remember something, anything.

Then a face floats to the surface of my mind. Someone with dark curls and long eye lashes. He has full lips and is very sexy looking…but who is he?

"Kartik." I whisper, but no sound comes out of my mouth. The name seems unfamiliar, yet I know that it belongs to the man. Kartik, Kartik, Kartik. I hold fast to the name, I want to remember it.

"Kartik!" I shout, but again no sound comes out. I cannot hear the words coming out of my own mouth.

Nothing is more important to me now than remembering that name. It's the only thing left of my memories, my last hope. Kartik, Kartik. But I can no longer picture his face. My memory is slipping away.

With out thinking, I take up the knife that I still hold in my hand. I gently carve the name into my tender flesh. I feel no pain, nothing at all. A strange red substance flows freely out of my arm, but I can't think of what it is called.

I take a second glance at my arm, in shiny red letters, Kartik is cut into my arm. I feel satisfaction, though I don't know why the name was so important to me.

I lay down on the ground that I can not feel, drifting in and out of consciousness. I try again and again to cry out for help, but no sound ever reaches my ear. I must be going mad.

It feels like forever has passed and ended, yet here I am. Cool wet droplets are falling down my face. I can't see anything. How long before I finally die in this world of nothingness. I think that dying would be a relief.

I try to focus on something, and I find that I can just barely make out the pale skin of my arms. I see a strange word written on one of them. Kartik. How did that get there? It's an awfully strange sort of word. I wonder what it means. I laugh stroking the strange print on my arm. For some reason this word is very funny sounding.

I begin to rock again. Back and forth, back and forth in the darkness until there's nothing left of me but a mindless shell.

**xxx**

**::hugs::**

**-Mirage.**

**Please Review! I hope you enjoyed it! Kind of creepish…at least I hope it is. I will post the second chappie soon, but I haven't written it yet, and it may take me a little while. Anyway, I hope you like it, and please, please review::on knees begging:: Criticism is good too!**


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